You remember very little of your old life. You were born on the coldest day of the storm of the century and raised lovingly by a clownfish in a bowl. As a child, you took pride in cutting-edge gonzo journalism, but it soon became obvious that you were meant for bigger things. That's where your intimidating red bandana came in. It was essential in justifying your childhood trauma. Your time for greatness is here. Cancel the apocalypse!